I Have Something to Tell You

A fresh start here at This Needs Hot Sauce

For the first time in almost seven years, I’m writing to you as a single woman. My relationship is over and I’m starting again, this time at 31. Last week, I couldn’t write, except for in stream of consciousness notes apps. I also couldn’t sleep. My primary goal was to make it through the day, which remains a high priority. In the end, we wanted different things. For the past year or so, there’s been stuff happening behind the scenes and between the meals that I didn’t share. All that stuff, hard and painful as it was, makes me confident in two things: one, that we really tried, and two, that I made the right decision for myself.

Right now, I am not exactly thriving, but I know I will be okay in the long term. Better than okay, even. I’ve been staying with Leah and Erika, who are feeding me and entertaining me and lending me clothes. In a few weeks, I’ll move back into my now solo apartment. It will be my first time living alone. I plan to sage the place and redecorate—home brands, I would love to work with you. I’m also going to get a cat, which is something I’ve wanted for years. Lady Gaga is performing at Madison Square Garden on my birthday and I’m going to be there (manifesting). I’m turning 32 this summer, the age Carrie Bradshaw was in season one of SATC and I’m entering a very new chapter. I’m exhausted, physically and mentally, but that won’t last forever.

I’ve been dreading writing this newsletter because it makes it feel all the more real. I also know I couldn’t ask for a more supportive community and I am so grateful for that. Way back in 2017, I started This Needs Hot Sauce after a breakup and never imagined it would turn into this. I don’t know what’s coming next, but as my wise friend Clare told me, breakups suck and they are also very powerful.

I’m taking it day by day and finding solace in friendship, cat snuggles (Leah and Erika are fostering a sweet boy), movement, wine nights, the new Haim song and lots of Taylor Swift, crying, and reminding myself that things will get better with time.

I have no good transition here, but let’s dive in. Food is such a great way to support people during hard times and I’m feeling that support deeply. Thank you <3

Something to cook:

I’ve cooked only a very tiny bit but I arrived to Leah and Erika’s with an 18 pack of eggs since we had recently gone grocery shopping and I couldn’t let them go to waste. We’ve made eggs with english muffins and breakfast burritos (skip the bacon in this recipe and have the avocado on the side) with roasted potatoes and Mi Rancho Tortillas (they sent me a perfectly timed package with tortillas, chips, and salsa). We had the chips and salsa with Wegman’s ginger seltzer at Brooklyn Bridge Park on Saturday. It was the first warm day of the year so we had to go outside. I was really on the fence about going outside but am glad I forced myself to.

Frida made us stovetop popcorn that we topped with black pepper and parmesan cheese. It was a perfect snack after walking from Williamsburg to Crown Heights. Sometimes you’ve gotta walk it off.

James made Julia and me homemade pizza and spinach pie. Julia made brownies (box mix with flakey salt, obvi) and we watched the Bachelor finale with Tomato, my cat nephew.

Pizza hot out of the oven is very hard to beat

Erika made Salvadoran breakfast one morning, complete with Ducal refried beans, eggs with tomato, queso and crema. It took me back to the year I lived in Guatemala and ate something similar pretty much every day.

Would have this daily

Isa made us chili crisp tofu on Friday with Fly by Jing (client). One thing about Isa is she always has a variety of cheese on hand, which makes her an extra wonderful host because we always start the hang with a delicious beverage and some cheese and crackers.

Leah and Erika made shallot pasta for episode seven of White Lotus (so wild). It lives up to the hype and bucatini is an elite pasta shape, even though it can be hard to find.

Something to order:

This is not an exhaustive list by any means because this time period is a blur. But I have to share some bright spots and bites.

• Pastries from Bakeri and Nick and Sons and ginger shots from my wonderful coworkers.

• Brunch at Juliette with Julia, Julianne, and Hillary. Their fries are so good and they make a homemade mayo for dipping that is so fluffy. I got an endive salad alongside my side of fries.

• Natural wine and grilled cheese at Sauced, which is a very fun place to hang out even when you are sad.

• Inday takeout c/o our parents. Saag paneer will never let you down. Aunt Sharon sent cookies for dessert, which was so sweet.

• My first visit of the season to Screen Door with Lauren. Support your local ice cream shop.

  

  Girl talk and ice cream will see us through

• Tacombi takeout and a Ghia Lime + Salt (client) on the couch with Oset—avocado tostadas forever.

• A very healing family dinner at Mesa Coyoacan. My mom, Leah and I split all the vegetarian entrees and the enchiladas rojas are so good.

• Tilden’s birthday dinner at Winona’s, which was incredible. The menu changes frequently and I’m excited to see it evolve for spring and summer. We had oysters, grilled bread (order two of these), Japanese yams, cavatelli with peas, asparagus and egg yolk, and pistachio cheesecake from Fortunato Brother’s for dessert. It was so much fun to celebrate her.

  

  In a Passover preview, they served the oysters with some fresh horseradish,

Something to read:

What do food brands get wrong about Ramadan? Eid Mubarek to anyone celebrating!

Such a touching essay from Mara Wilson about her childhood friend Michelle Trachtenberg

Apparently people are not taking home restaurant leftovers anymore? Dislike—food waste is bad and leftovers are a gift to your future self.

From

Olivia’s Substack

: I am so tired of everyone looking the same

This is an opportunity, not a tragedy from

Ask Polly

My Name is Mahmoud Khalil and I Am a Political Prisoner

It’s a good thing I already like solo dining—where should I go next?

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Thank you for being here, for whatever happens next. I’m headed to LA this week for a much needed change of scenery. More to come!

xo, Abigail